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The Joys of Not Dating: 15 Side Benefits of Staying Home More Often

relaxing alone in the tub


Are you dating?



Did your answer start with, “Uh…?” It’s a tougher question than we think, tougher (though no less rude) than “are you dating anyone special?” I know I hem and haw when someone asks if I am dating– mainly because the definition of dating is confusing and can make a girl feel bad.



For example, does dating mean anything other than married, engaged or co-habitating? Or is dating having a semi-significant other you see most Saturday nights? Is it having a first date on the calendar?



Shouldn’t intention be part of the definition, or at least the question: Do you WANT to date? Is dating your goal? Then, dating might be actively searching for a companion, seeking fix-ups and generally doing what we do to attract a paramour, whether or not the hoped-for dinner, movie and fireworks result.



Being brave enough to set up a, or profile surely counts as a “yes, I am dating.” Suffering through nine thousand eHarmony questions shouldn’t lead to the further torment of being reminded, in public, that your efforts have not yet been rewarded.


(It’s not my fault computers don’t “get me.”)


Moreover, ‘do you want to date?’ is the question every women should ask herself. You have a choice, whether or not your family and/or everything and everyone on Prime Time television agrees. Your answer is the right answer for you, for now or forever.



And consider this: “No, I don’t want to date,” gives you the power and stops the conversation. “No, I am not dating,” leaves room for additional judge-y inquiries. Ick.



Tonight, though, if you are not on a date, whether because you do not want to be or because your strategy for making a love connection is waiting for the doorbell to ring, choose to enjoy your time.



Because going out on the town -on someone else’s dime- can be nice but it brings up an even tougher question:



Should you shave your legs?



15 Joys of Not Dating



  1. You can be hairy. Shaving of legs, pits or other parts is superfluous. If you can handle the scratchy stubble stage, your epidermis will benefit from not being bloodied by a dull blade.


1a. V-jazzle no more.


  1. You can be messy. Your house, that is. If no one is getting invited in for a night-cap, you can clean the fastest, easiest way of all: take off your glasses.


  1. You have more free time. No shaving, no scrubbing and no pressing improvement projects, home or self.


  1. Your cupboards can be bare. Your domestic goddess skills can go/remain untested. You don’t have to cook or explain why you don’t.


4a. You don’t have to have food in the house or explain why you don’t.


  1. You can breathe easy. The Spanx stay in the armoire instead of crushing your organs. You don’t have to wear the jeans that make your ass look good but entail plier-assisted fastening.


5a. Your ass doesn’t have to look good.


  1. You can worry about your winter weight gain in the spring. Comfy (baggy) clothing hides your curves and bulges. Your get a daily quota of hugs via big sweaters, flannel sheets and devoted pets.


  1. You save money on make-up. Eye shadow use drops dramatically, same for most evening-and-weekend cosmetic consumption. You can replace Chanel with L’Oreal without worry.


  1. Your complexion improves. No more cheek spackle or smudge-proof face paint. Ditch the high-test removal products that irritate your eyelids and cause eruptions on your chin.


  1. Your hair and skin improve. Extra shampooing and soaping from the extra showering dating demands inflict needless abuse. During winter, bodies need washing 3-4 times a week. Hair, twice.


9a. You save money on shampoo, conditioner, soap and shaving cream.

9b. Take a bubble bath for yourself instead of a shower for a date. 


  1. You save money on lingerie. (I don’t but you might.) Donning your finest unmentionables only if there’s a chance someone might catch a glimpse means they stay fine a long time.


10a. Wearing matching bras and panties gives you a subtle confidence boost any time.

10b. One of my goals in life is to have purchased all my lingerie in Paris. I’m halfway there.


  1. You don’t have to figure out what you do for fun. No one will be asking that godforsaken question. You have fun all the time but when probed, you think “hobbies” and draw a blank.


11a. That might just be me.


  1. You don’t have to be interesting, or interested in people you barely know. You don’t have to keep a sputtering conversation going, or be a good sport or good listener. Yawn away.


  1. You don’t have to check your teeth or wipe your mouth after every bite. Unless you are a messy eater or had a bad experience involving a piece of potato on your chin. For two hours. On a date.


  1. You don’t cry over spilled guts. You don’t spill, all at once, upfront, oversharing about your insecurities or exes to a horrified on-looker. Nothing volunteered, nothing stained.


  1. You get more sleep. No staying out until last call or staying up late on phone calls. No waking up early so he doesn’t see you without make-up, no worrying if you snore, no wishing he didn’t.


15a. You can sleep with the laundry that somehow never makes its way into a drawer.

15b. You can sleep with your dog. Unless she snores. And hogs the bed.



You might save money on electricity if you blow-dry and vacuum less often, but in my house the benefit is off-set by extra TV time. Which reminds me- I gotta run:



I have a date with Fitzgerald Grant.


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Do you want to date? How about a play date with other Sweet Side single ladies? Email me. I have a great idea.


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