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From Zero to Insanity in .6 Seconds: Wifi Woes

wifi woes

What one thing would I change about myself? My impatience with technology trouble.

I go from zero to insane in .6 seconds at the first dropped packet.

[blockQuote position=”left”]I once beat a laptop to death for not moving fast enough.[/blockQuote]

It’s 6:25 AM. I just spent an hour and a half, on and involuntarily-off the phone with Comcast. My wifi was acting up for days until finally, no amount of unplugging and restarting was going to fix it.

Daily posting is required of NaBloPoMo bloggers so I set off on my trip to crazytown (Kabletown?) in earnest on Tuesday via phone.

How many people do you have to give your address and last four digits of SSN to just to get asked… what can I help you with? Three per phone call, minimum.

How My 9′ by 3′ Office is Changing My Life

Reinventing yourself

I write from my favorite place in the world, my couch.

It’s cozy and deep, with room for four pillows, two dogs and two adults.

Don’t tell anyone (though you’d have to be headless not to notice) my couch has magnetic powers that require you to pull out your inner contortionist to get fully horizontal.  It’s great for productivity.

You see,  my empire is HQ’d here- my 9′ by 3′ office, in my 15′ by 40′ house.  The couch is huge (see above) and comfortable (also see above).

My real office is in my basement and is substantially larger- an entire story of the house.

Who can work in a cellar unrelated to wine?

What To Do If Jessica Lange Is One of the Voices in Your Head

My Imaginary American Horror Story.

I survived torment not unlike Coven and Asylum- an all-girl Catholic High School filled with nuns and teenaged witches. My curse as an adult is an imagination capable of magnifying a glimmer of light into a disembodied eyeball peering through a second story window.

I am afraid of the dark. Things that go bump in the night terrify me.

Jessica Lange is one of the voices in my head.

What’s a scaredy cat to do?

Get a dog.

I haven’t had a pooch-free day since the 80’s. As a result, unless my insomnia attacks me, my mind rests rather easily most of the time.

One dark and stormy night, (because every horror story, imaginary, American or otherwise, needs thunder and lightning), an explosion of glass blasted me and both dogs out of our collective snoring and dreaming. We froze, three huddled masses beneath a make-shift shield of sheets and blankets.

“Go see. Go, go see.” I whispered vehemently, trying to rile Samantha and George, my Boxers, into storming the front-door.

Go see yourself, their faces said back, without so much as a muscle twitch. We all stopped breathing as well, to listen for clues about the intrusion.

I didn’t hear anything. More to the point, I didn’t hear anyone. If a prowler was in the house, I reasoned, the dogs would go crazy. They would bark incessantly and viciously at a strange person, I was convinced.

At that moment, as they hid under the comforter, I had to wonder if my certainty was misplaced.

Happy Birthday to Single and the Sweet Side of 40: A birth, a death and the whole half story

October 24, 2013

Happy Birthday, Single and the Sweet Side of 40. Welcome to the blogosphere.

Launching a new website on a mid-autumn Thursday is not an obvious move. An optimist (not me) or PR Pro (formerly me) might focus on the slow-news-day aspect; it should be easier to get the story out.

A logical person, a data analyst or a business strategist might try to rule the day with facts and pie charts. Clearly, not, not, not me.

Me? Why did I decide this blog should be born October 24, 2013?

It’s my half-birthday, of course. Who could resist starting a website for single people on a day that is special for being half of something? Not me, because in a world where “whole” is only possible by joining two halves, single women have a bigger PR problem than a blog born under Scorpio.

The 10 Best Answers to the 1 Worst Question for Single Women

Sorry you asked.

You’re doing your thing. Smiling, small talking, surveying the scene, when out of the something-borrowed-something-blue, your sister’s friend, your cousin or co-worker obliterates personal boundaries by deciding, WTF, it can’t hurt to ask:

“I always wondered, pretty girl like you, *Why Aren’t You Married?”

AKA, you’ve been *WAYM’d (like wham, minus George Michael).

First of all, you must be headless if you believe “pretty” has anything to do with married. Hideous folks get hitched every day.

Second, any single woman, especially those of us on the Sweet Side of 40 or 50, politely says WTF, it does, in fact, hurt to ask. Maybe a pinch, more likely a punch. Only about 10% of American adults know the reason they remain unwed and blissful: those who know they do not want to be legally married. (Ironically, I got that stat from a match.com sponsored study.)

Third, ever heard the saying, “There are no stupid questions, just stupid people?” Turns out, there are both.

Why aren’t you married? Stupid.

Why are you still single? Stupid.

When are you going to settle down? Stupid.

Are you divorced? Really really stupid.

I’ve been asked all those stupid questions and every variation of the same basic inquisition: why don’t I have a husband? By now, I’m lucky (I think– I’m not in the 10%, so it’s only a shred of luck at best). I don’t get WAYM’d quite so often.

Word gets out when you are “sensitive” about your status.

Moreover, my nearest and dearest are over it; they love me the way I am. The queries come a few times year, though at every single wedding. (See what I did there? Single + Wedding? HA!) I don’t go to reunions and WAYM is half the reason why. (Boredom is the other half.)

50 Secrets, Surprises and Confessions about Single Women and the Sweet Side of 40

What we can live with, what we can’t live without and what’s up with that?

1) Your house is cleaner when you take off your glasses.

2) Cheese is dinner and cereal is any meal.

3) People you’ve known the longest don’t love you the most.

4) Friends are more important than lovers. 

5) It’s OK if you don’t know everything. Fortunately, you do.

6) French lingerie can be worn daily. I’d say should but #7.

7) All your “should-do’s” should be health related. Everything else should be “want-to-do’s.”

8) Estee Lauder, Laura Mercier and Bobbi Brown are modern day saints.

9) People think you are smarter. Also, #33. 

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