to top

I Won’t Respect You in the Morning

I won't respect you in the morning

 

“If I have sex with you, I’ll never see you again.”

 

“Sure you will. I’m not that kind of guy.”

 

Isn’t that cute? He thought I was worried he would not respect me the morning after our “third date.”

Getting Crushed by a Crush

crushed by a crush

 

Does this sound familiar?

 

You, an otherwise intelligent, semi-rational, mostly-mature, kind of confident woman, are friendly or perhaps even friends with, let’s just be honest, an “in-significant other.” You know, the type of guy you like, but you don’t “like” like.

 

You see him out and about, or hang with him at parties, or go to/play games with him because he’s the only other sports fan you know. You enjoy his company. You have fun together. He amuses you. The last time you saw him, you laughed for three straight hours.

 

He has a crush on you, and doesn’t try to hide it. He’s a goofy man-child to you, though, and you can’t take him or the idea of romance with him seriously.

 

Sure, his hint-dropping can be anything from grating to yawn-inducing after weeks, or months, or years. That said, you know he is harmless. He is all talk, no action, blessedly. And if your ego needs boosting, his unfailing adoration works better than your therapist or Prozac.

The Swede Who Loved Me

This is the story of the Swede Who Loved Me.

 

This is not a “ain’t single life fabulous” story. I hate them.

 

Don’t get me wrong; the unmarried-way works for me. I am even fabulous on occasion. But alone and awesome tales are usually considered pathetic attempts to convince myself that I am happy, while “what we did on vacation” is all the evidence of bliss a wedded couple needs.

 

Let’s get one thing straight. I am not happy. That’s my nature, not my marital status. I’m ok with it. Anxiety is my go-to emotion. If I am trying to convince myself otherwise, you better believe it’s on doctor’s orders.

 

If my marital status makes me anything, it’s interesting. Interesting as in, “your new haircut is interesting,” or “you are so cool and do the most interesting things.”

 

This is a story about the latter.

Good Friendship vs. Bad Romance: Guess Who Wins?

Good Friend Bad Romance

  Good Friendship vs. Bad Romance: Guess Who Wins?     Why are women outraged, devastated and horrified when a friend does us wrong, but manage to limit our emotions to hurt and confused when the love of our life turns out to be a cheating-ass liar?     You won’t forgive her in a million years but him? You forget his sins in weeks, or days or sometimes mere minutes.     You know the story—the one where the friends and lovers hook up. Imagine it’s your story: they are YOUR friends and YOUR lovers.  Want to bet you give your bestie the boot and give him a chance to explain?     Perhaps you have a less messy tale of treachery, like a friend who was vocal and loud about your lousy...

Continue reading

Declare Independence From Dumb Relationships

 

Some people celebrate July 4 with barbecues and fireworks.

 

 

I prefer historical re-enactment: honoring the fore-mothers of America by declaring independence from tyrants.

 

 

I observe the birth of our nation and most national holidays by getting out of dumb  relationships with dumber boyfriends.

 

 

How’s that for patriotism?

Father Knows Best? My 2 1/2 Dads Think I Should be Single

Happy Fathers Day

 

 

My 2½ Dads think I should be single.

 

 

Big Daddy, the Big Big Daddy and Father Bob apparently all agree.

 

 

Big Daddy’s Big Idea

 

 

Big Daddy arrived on scene about four days after what would turn out to be my final, soul-crushing, head-exploding, life-shattering break-up.

 

 

When you are 40, not one syllable of those words exaggerates the impact of a broken heart.

 

 

You are terrified that he was your last shot, that no one will ever love you again and that you will die alone and be post-mortem pet food before any notices you are missing.

 

 

You dissect yourself in front of friends and family (again) maybe you did this when you should have done that, or said this instead of that, or were too picky or too bitchy or too independent or too dependent or or or or….

 

 

They respond with what is the 100%, absolute, swear on the bible truth: it was not you.

%d bloggers like this: